Three Errors in One Life

Some Hebrew tattoos testify about their bearer's intelligence:


The above tattoo is supposed to say "Life" (Chayim) in Hebrew. It's a very common tattoo and a quick Google search should be enough to secure a correct translation.

Today's victim apparently forgot to pay his brain bill. What else would explain getting three letters wrong in a four letter tattoo?

The first letter CHET was turned into a HE, they're somewhat similar, I can understand that. However, turning two YODs into a double-quote? That's just dumb.

Now, this is how the normal people write "Life" (Chayim) in Hebrew:

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Your Name is What? Michaela

Today's victim meant well. He wanted the names of his kids tattooed in Hebrew on his belly, probably even asked a native speaker for advice...


Too bad his tattoo was translated by a moron.

Funny really, we've got two names, Michaela and Trevor. Trevor (on the bottom) is a name that has nothing to do with Hebrew, yet it is perfectly written. Michaela (on top), on the other hand, is a proper Hebrew name, but was mangled beyond recognition.

The problem with a name like Michaela, is that you never know how to pronounce it. In Hebrew, Michaela is pronounced as mi-khah-EH-lah. In English, the standard seems to be mi-KAY-lah.

It's a confusing name! I wouldn't even blame the hapless translator, except his result is absolutely appalling. It reads mi-tchah-eh-lah, sounds a bit like Mitchell, and has an extra Aleph just for kicks. This error is one only a native Hebrew speaker with spotty knowledge of English will make.

Now, if you don't want to be fouled by phonetics too, pay attention. This is how you write Michaela in Hebrew:


The top is Michaela with the Hebrew pronunciation. The bottom is the English pronunciation, and it can be used for all related spellings, such as McKayla, Mikayla, Makayla and so on.

There's a lesson to be learned here. When getting a name translated to Hebrew, do tell your translator what it's supposed to sound like!

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First Learn a Language, THEN Use It

Just found this one yesterday and it gets a direct ticket to the top of the pile, it is just that good:


The victim explains: "The word is Tshalach which is hebrew and means that my spirit is growning for more of the holy spirit."

And how did she acquire said word? By switching her keyboard to Hebrew mode and typing in the English letters. Hell, we've seen it all before. The result, as you can probably guess, is total nonsense.

There's a lesson here boys and girls. If you aren't coherent in your own mother tongue, do not attempt a tattoo in a foreign language that you don't know. Also, don't do drugs.

For those of you interested in the word "Tshalach", it is a misspelled Hebrew word for "You Will Send", it refers to a male sender and is actually pronounced "Tishlach". This incorrect and unremarkable word became somewhat famous by starring in a Christian song by one Eddie James. Here, check it out:



Still interested? This is how you write "Tishlach" (You Will Send) in Hebrew:


I urge you against getting this tattooed on your skin, as it's just a mundane word, it carries no special meaning.
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Hebrew Inked Celebs: Danielle Lloyd

Danielle Lloyd, an English model, participant of Celebrity Big Brother 2007 and professional "celebrity for hire", got herself a very unfortunate Hebrew tattoo back in 2008.


It's the one right below her neck. Let's see a closeup:


Lloyd's tattoo is supposed to say "Only God can judge me, only God can judge me".

I guess her choice of Hebrew tattoo makes sense, as the name Danielle literally means "God is my judge" in Hebrew. Also, she's being judged by the public all the time.

This tattoo, however, ended up a wreck. Instead of a translation, it's a transliteration, and very badly done too. Using Hebrew letters, it says something along the lines of: "only god ken g'odg m, only god khen g'odg m". Never do a transliteration tattoo, it's the worst idea ever!.

Now, if you wanted a proper Hebrew tattoo saying "Only God can judge me", this is how you do it:


There are actually many different ways to write that sentence correctly, as it's a long and complex one. Judging God is a popular theme in Hebrew tattoos, and there are quite a few correct ones walking around, you can Google to find them!

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The Ten Commandments - Gibberish Edition

The Ten Commandments make for such a great tattoo, they show your faith in God in a most illustrative manner. Everyone knows what those two slabs of stone say, and tattooing them in Hebrew adds that special touch of authenticity...


Unless what's written on them is total nonsense.

On this tattoo you can see a bunch of random Hebrew letters - artfully arranged. So lame.

Wouldn't it be better to just write out the commandments in English, rather than make yourself a laughing stock?

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Your Name is What? Jessica

Today's victim, a girl named Jessica, wanted her name tattooed in Hebrew. Check out her tattoo:


Those of you familiar with Hebrew, can notice two interesting facts:

1. The tattoo is written in script
2. It actually says Jetsica

I had to mention the writing being in script, as it suggests that this tattoo was composed by a native speaker - either a stupid or a drunk one. He used the Hebrew letter Tsadi for the S in Jessica, even though Tsadi sounds nothing like S. Tsadi doesn't even have an equivalent letter in English, and it sounds like "ts" or like "zz" in pizza.

The correct way to write Jessica in Hebrew, is by using a Samekh - it sounds exactly like S. You can see two versions of Jessica below, the first written in script (my own handwriting) and the second is in print.

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Mark of a True Genius

There is stupid, and then there's this:


This genius of a girl wanted a "Child of God" tattoo in Hebrew. What did she do? Switched her keyboard to Hebrew mode and typed in the English letters of the phrase, then tattooed the result on her wrist. The result is sad, meaningless gibberish.

Hebrew being a right-to-left language, the writing ends up backwards when reversed back to English. Just read the caption right to left, only then you shall get the message.

This is how a Hebrew-English keyboard is mapped (pic lifted from Davka). If you have any doubts of the the message, you can trace it back yourself!



Right. For today's Hebrew lesson we will learn to write "Child of God" in Hebrew. Do pay attention, the word "Child" is gender specific: "Yeled" for a boy-child and "Yalda" for a girl-child:

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